by this time tomorrow, the board will be gone.

Confirm Plan Change > loose-slugs.com
Your request to change your plan has been received. This may take up to 24 hours to process. If you have not received confirmation and further instructions in 24 hours, please contact our Support Team at support@hostway.com.

gimme a bit o time.
and she'll be right back.

Hm....this isn't really nuking.

It's more like not feeding it, letting it whither and starve while we all watch, horrified.

Then again, some of us will be poking with sticks and watching it twitch and writhe in agony.

Dear Customer:

This is a brief reminder that your payment for your web hosting account was due on 2003-09-20.
If you have already sent your payment, please disregard this letter and accept our thanks.


Please send check payments to:

Hostway Billing Center
P.O. Box 7044
Romeoville, IL 60446

Please include your domain name or customer ID on your check.



yeeeah.

[Noooo!]

You can't! You can't... not when the third installment is finally almost done!

You sonofabitch!

Bah!

board going away for a bit soon.
oh. and just for good measure.
im going to nuke for a second and third time.

hAy Jeff-o.

I'll live with you.

really.really i will. seriously.

[Room For Rent]

Finding a roommate is hard...
especially finding the right one...

especially finding one of the female persuasion.

Bah! I've gone through two potential roommates, both having problems keeping them from moving in.

Double bah.
But I think I'll be interviewing someone today who will definitely move in.

I think of this roommate thing because of what I have seen happen between another set of roommates, though I will mention no names.

See, the trick is... if you want to remain good good friends with someone, you avoid being roommates with them, unless you are POSITIVE that their inherent personality structures won't clash with yours. And who really is ever that positive.

The other trick, of course, is to have plenty of space available between the lot of you.

Oh well, that's all I had to say, because it's Tuesday at 1 and I don't have my post ready, [I won't go into it], and yeah...

BAH!

"Every cynic is a disappointed idealist." George Carlin said that.

That idealism comes from naivety.

...

There were some stickers for Baseball....I only saw them on cars at the speedway though. Come to think of it, those may have all been hand painted.

...

The same goes for me as Steven - no stickers or dead kid shrines by the side of the road if I bite it. Just go out and get roaring drunk in my honor.

All right!
Stop whatcha doin'
'cause I'm about to ruin
the image and the style that ya used to.
I look funny
but yo I'm makin' money see
so yo world I hope you're ready for me.
Now gather round
I'm the new fool in town
and my sound's laid down by the Underground.
I drink up all the Hennessey ya got on ya shelf
so just let me introduce myself
My name is Humpty, pronounced with a Umpty.
Yo ladies, oh how I like to hump thee.
And all the rappers in the top ten--please allow me to bump thee.
I'm steppin' tall, y'all,
and just like Humpty Dumpty
you're gonna fall when the stereos pump me.
I like to rhyme,
I like my beats funky,
I'm spunky. I like my oatmeal lumpy.
I'm sick wit dis, straight gangsta mack
but sometimes I get ridiculous
I'll eat up all your crackers and your licorice
hey yo fat girl, c'mere--are ya ticklish?
Yeah, I called ya fat.
Look at me, I'm skinny
It never stopped me from gettin' busy
I'm a freak
I like the girls with the boom
I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom
I'm crazy.
Allow me to amaze thee.
They say I'm ugly but it just don't faze me.
I'm still gettin' in the girls' pants
and I even got my own dance

The Humpty Dance is your chance to do the hump
Do the Humpty Hump, come on and do the Humpty Hump
Do the Humpty Hump, just watch me do the Humpty Hump
Do ya know what I'm doin', doin' the Humpty Hump
Do the Humpty Hump, do the Humpty Hump

People say "Yo, Humpty, you're really funny lookin'"
that's all right 'cause I get things cookin'
Ya stare, ya glare, ya constantly try to compare me
but ya can't get near me
I give 'em more, see, and on the floor, B,
all the girls they adore me
Oh yes, ladies, I'm really bein' sincere
'cause in a 69 my humpty nose will tickle ya rear.
My nose is big, uh-uh I'm not ashamed
Big like a pickle, I'm still gettin' paid
I get laid by the ladies, ya know I'm in charge,
both how I'm livin' and my nose is large
I get stoopid, I shoot an arrow like Cupid,
I use a word that don't mean nothin', like looptid
I sang on Doowhutchalike, and if ya missed it,
I'm the one who said just grab 'em in the biscuits
Also told ya that I like to bite
Well, yeah, I guess it's obvious, I also like to write.
All ya had to do was give Humpty a chance
and now I'm gonna do my dance.

The Humpty Dance is your chance to do the hump
Do the Humpty Hump, come on and do the Humpty Hump
Do the Humpty Hump, just watch me do the Humpty Hump
Do ya know what I'm doin', doin' the Humpty Hump
Do the Humpty Hump, do the Humpty Hump

Breakdown:
Oh, yeah, that's the break, y'all
Let me hear a little bit of that bass groove right here
Oh, yeah!
Now that I told ya a little bit about myself
let me tell ya a little bit about this dance
It's real easy to do--check it out

First I limp to the side like my leg was broken
Shakin' and twitchin' kinda like I was smokin'
Crazy wack funky
People say ya look like M.C. Hammer on crack, Humpty
That's all right 'cause my body's in motion
It's supposed to look like a fit or a convulsion
Anyone can play this game
This is my dance, y'all, Humpty Hump's my name
No two people will do it the same
Ya got it down when ya appear to be in pain
Humpin', funkin', jumpin',
jig around, shakin' ya rump,
and when the dude a chump pump points a finger like a stump
tell him step off, I'm doin' the Hump.

The Humpty Dance is your chance to do the hump
Do the Humpty Hump, come on and do the Humpty Hump
Do the Humpty Hump, just watch me do the Humpty Hump
Do ya know what I'm doin', doin' the Humpty Hump
Do the Humpty Hump, do the Humpty Hump

Black people, do the Humpty Hump, do the Humpty Hump
White people, do the Humpty Hump, do the Humpty Hump
Puerto Ricans, do the Humpty Hump, just keep on doin' the hump
Samoans, do the Humpty Hump, do the Humpty Hump
Let's get stoopid!

The Humpty Dance is your chance to do the hump
Do the Humpty Hump, come on and do the Humpty Hump
Do the Humpty Hump, just watch me do the Humpty Hump
Do ya know what I'm doin', doin' the Humpty Hump
Do the Humpty Hump, do the Humpty Hump

Oh, yeah, come on and break it down
Outro:
Once again, the Underground is in the house
I'd like to send a shout out to the whole world,
keep on doin' the Humpty Dance,
and to the ladies,
peace and humptiness forever

http://www.talklikeapirate.com/
http://www.talklikeapirate.com/
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!!!!!!!!!!












you guys suck. none of you have done any. pff.

I agree with bradbury. If, say, I had died - none of you would have gotten CALLED by MR. HAMMOND the principal and have him leave a messege on your answernig machine about how I will be missed. Entirely a popularity scam, as DS would contest to. Some kid died off, who was an underachiever and in her classroom and dealt with 'shady people' - and when he keeled over nobody gave half a shit.

Personally, I could care less if some rich bitch in a honda civic gets blasted by an eighteen wheeler in front of the school. Heres when I will care :



see. there is me in my tza car. even though my car isnt green. but still. its the thought that counts. if i died in a car accident all of you motherfuckers better spam the hell out of the board with every catchphrase you can come up with. Ive been think up some myself. Here is some things I'd like to see you all post, of course I wouldnt see them being as I would dead, but again - it is the thought that counts :

" I hate that motherfucker. He is dead now "

" I guess you could say that life caught up to him. or. well. A big huge truck representing life, yes. you could say that it caught up to him at fifty five miles per hour. Bad life. Ba-a-a-d."

" James is dead. begin the rejoicing."

I dont know, Ive got nothing. but asides from all that here is a little 'project' for all of you. MAKE YOUR OWN RENDITION OF THE BOARD MEMBERS! thats right, get out your PAINTSHOP PRO and your PHOTOSHOP skillz for this one. Make yourselves a 350x350 image depicting each board member individually. I will be doing this for everyone, even old members of the board who left the slugs like the slugs would give half a rats ass if they were coming or going : like andy and chrissie and steven. To finish up my post and to kick this off, here is a couple I've already done.










I look forward to all of your's rendition of myself ;)

You guys completely missed the point I was trying to make there.

I'm not upset about her death. I could give a shit less about her.

It's more about how people have reacted to her new status as a road stain than the fact that she bit it.


My point:
Why is this a big fucking tragedy? Shit happens, she's dead. Get over it. In the past year, two other 16 year old Bethel girls were killed in auto accidents, neither of those was a huge deal.

Bradbury, I'm gonna have to agree with Bonnie on that... It makes absolutely no sense for you to be upset about about that chick dying. What does it matter how much or little attention someone else gets in a situation like that? If it was you, people who care about you would be mourning your death. Isn't that enough?


Remember Princess Diana... She died and they talked about it in the news forever...I was personally sick of hearing about it. The media covers what they think people in the audience will care about, they don't really care..it's just a business. So don't take it personally.

I am becoming very loathesome of humanity.

This is not from anything said here...

but just a simple fact. A sad... sad simple fact. I feel as if people in general are... just... "ungh".

Do you remember when you were a kid and idealistic? And then you become an adult, and where does the idealism go? Really? Where... cause I'd like to know.

I wonder what would happen if you could just inject knowledge into your brain and start out life a little early, so you could enjoy and use some of that idealism...

meh, that prolly just means it would die at an even earlier age.

A part of me... a part of me feels like screaming and beating my fists upon anything that would give under such a beating...

and then the other part of me reminds me: what then?

and to that, i have no answer.

I'm not angry...just frustrated with the situation.


Yeah, we all make mistakes. It happens. Hers, although fatal, was a very small mistake. And she paid for it. You can only hope it ended quickly for her.

When it comes to the whole "popularity" thing, that's a little angering. The news media just helps keep the popularity contest going. Now there's going to be a huge shrine at the spot where she was killed (tacky little custom, isn't it?), and stickers on everyone's cars, a page in the yearbook dedicated to her. It's all a bunch of bullshit.

And all of her bullshit little friends, the stupid jockstraps, will all go to college on mommy and daddy's dime, and then be used car salesmen.

Well spoken James... anyone who disagrees with the points you made has got a very distorted perception of reality. Your words are also in sync with radio personality Tom Leykis 3-8pm 100.7 FM

Wow dude, I thought I was fucked up. Shit.

...

Zach-O, man, you're a god.

Now, I'm not the type to fuck with people's stuff, but that fucking rocks.

I'd have probably done worse, such as the classic "Toda bounce," a technique perfected by a friend of mine, wherein you just jump-sit on the hood of the car as hard as possible, thus reshaping the hood to match your ass and the engine.

Or just waited for the guy and kicked his ass.

Another good suggestion I heard: steal one of the plates. When he reports it stolen, he'll either has to get new plates (that don't say what he wants) or get pulled over a lot. At gunpoint. Cause if you're driving a car with a plate that's been reported stolen (which lasts five years if not recovered) you're treated as if you stole the car.


...


Lastly.

To 16 year-old dipshit high school girl: When 30,000 lbs. of truck traveling at 55 mph meets 3,000 lbs. of car traveling 5 mph guess what happens. Oh, yeah, you figured it out. Better luck in the next life. Anyone calls her a victim needs to get smacked. The driver of that truck is the victim.

Oh, look, someone who was popular died, better call out all three local news channels. Fuck I hate that. If that had been any of us, it would have only been a footnote in tomorrow's paper.

ok. so we now have cable in Roy.
but first I would like to school you all in what Ive come to terms with sexuality.
at the foremost of the list is women. women are tricky creatures.
here are a few things Ive learned about women, and their libido.

1. Women want to be treated like shit - they will never outright tell you " Hey James I want you to treat me like dirt under your shoe, thats h.a.w.t." - oh no. Instead they'll deny the whole thing. They'll call you an ass and they'll say they hate you when its all battling themselves and the fact they they really want you to beat the living shit out of them and fuck them in the ass. This is what Ive come to the conclusion of because of the mentality of " Nice Guys Finish Last " - In the unlikely event you do not treat a woman like utter garbage, they'll throw you into the dreaded 'friend' category. Which is to say " Yes I will talk to you, no I will not fuck you or give you any sexual favors for candy. "

2. Sexual activity is most definately doubled in pleasure when I am in control. Take for instance the following images :






do you notice how happy these images make me?
Here I will make a graph for you :



as you will notice that I did not title this graph. This will make many teachers who taught me and SPECIFICALLY TOLD THE CLASS TO PUT A FUCKING TITLE ON THE GRAPH AND NOBODY EVER FUCKING DID AND THEY STILL GOT GOOD GRADES BUT NO I REMEMBERED AND ALWAYS PUT A TITLE BUT DID I GET BONUS POINTS? FUCK NO BECUASE THE CLASS WAS FUCKING INANE. In any event, if I did put a title to the graph it would be called " James happiness over bondage time. " or " Bondage goodness and happytime " or " Bondange and Good " or something. I dont know. Reguardless, we move onto number three.

.3 - which some of you will notice is actually three tenths of one, but for the rest of you will not notice and simply figure I put the period in the wrong spot - which I did, but then came up with a clever excuse for my mistake. Now, having come up with the clever excuse for my mistake, I have actually forgotten what numbe three was. Henceforth, we will move onto number four.

.4 - see above

5. Eating pussy. More and more I keep running into women who's male counterparts will not partake in such an activity. Surely men have gotten over the fact that they're licking a swollen open wound as much as women have gotten over the fact that they're swallowing a dirty meat rod! It confuses me so much how many men are still weary about this activity that sometimes I make a cute little vagina with my own hands and casually drag my tongue across and inside of my own two palms. Sure it tickles. Sure it gets saliva all over my hands. But you know what? When I get married my wife will be glad that I played with my false vagina hands.

6. I've suddenly realised that my post, howver long and boring and sexually tainted it may be, is full of sex sex sex. This may bother some people. So issue number six is specifically designed to appease and shut those fuckheads up.



7. Let me now deal with the obvious responses of " DUDE YOU DONT HAVE SEX HUR HUR " or " MAN I GET MORE SEX FROM MY FAT UGLY GIRLFRIEND WHO SMELLS LIKE URINE THAN YOU DO SITTING THERE TALKING ABOUT IT " or the ever famous, and my favorite : " YOU R HOMO " - To these I respond to, respectively - " In order to properly maintain a level of sanity and view sexuality as a whole, one must seperate themselves from the actual partaking of sexual events so that they do not become hedonistic in nature and drag themselves into never ending world of pain and pleasure. With this in mind, the probability of those actually having sex having any say on the matter is nil", "dude, your girlfriend smells like urine." and finally " I fucked your mom last night and she said I was homo too, mostly because I came in her ass."

8. marijuana. people who smoke too much weed are stupid. I'd just like to point that out.

9. more about the mysteries of women. I've also found that the more readily available you make yourself to a woman, the less she will want you. The trick is to be busy at all times, and ignore them. Or to be far away. If they cannot see you or cannot touch you or cannot actually grab your manstick of love and jerk on it violently until you are sufficiently gorged with enough blood in which to partake in the actual mating ritual which most people refer to as " FUCKING LIKE DOGS " then when they actually *CAN* get around you to do so, they will. Either that or they'll slap you when you whip out your little man and tell the woman ' get to work ' - reguardless of this, they'll still go home after calling you a grotesque pig and stick various objects into their slits of sexual pleasure such as champange bottles, baseball trophies, webcams, gallon bottles of orange juice, and three bags of marbles. You may not be getting action, but while she's rubbing the five inch tall g.i. joe against her vaginal love canal you can rest well at night knowing that she's thinking of you.

10. Women will always assume you are a dirty man. IT IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO LIVE UP TO THIS ASSUMPTION. They will always play the lolita card on you. Always. There will always come a time when the mention of " a schoolgirl " or " cheerleader " somehow slips its way into your casual conversation with your female associate about video games ( HAH HAH HAH ) - and the next thing you know she'll be wearing knee-high socks, mary-janes, a pleated schoolgirl outfit, and a little-girl voice that she practiced for hours and hours in front of a mirror to get that perfect " HEY LOOK AT ME IM UNDER AGED " vibe to it. again, IT IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to tell her that you have a special lollypop for her, or that she's been a bad girl and needs to be punished, or that you have some homework for her to complete. YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.



This constant notion that you will be a DIRTY OLD MAN comes from the fact that your female associate was MOLLESTED as a child by either HER FATHER or some other dirty old man, and from that experience when she was SIX YEARS OLD she has come to accept that ALL MEN would like to play around with little girls. Whereas this is mostly true in the south, this does not necissarily apply to all men. I, myself, find children terribly revolting and they make me want to vomit. Now vomit during sexual intercourse isnt necissarily a *BAD* thing, but have you ever tried to keep a stiff willie during vomiting your last meal? It is a difficult endeavor, I should say. Especially if you ate corn on the cob. Not only does the corn come out undigested, but jesus christ that Cob is a bitch coming back up.

I will continue with a follow up post later on today.

[dead | daed]

It's funny, cause... i've seen james laugh at the concept of death, and the idea of death in others...

and yet, he also gets scared shitless when it is applied to him.

Something to consider.

Aaron, you forgot one thing.

Here I'll fix your post for you >>>


Johnny Cash, whether you like Country Music or not is an important musical figure. He played gritty country songs about real life shit. He never sold out and became a watered down pop musician. He's like the James Dean of music, with the moniker "The Man in Black", he was an undeniably cool icon. Also, he's one of the only older musicians not afraid to cover new material, that's what his last two albums were. Johnny Cash wrote great songs, and he is also dead. Dead.dead.dead.dead.dead. Did I mention he is dead?

Johnny Cash is dead.

dead.dead.dead.dead.dead.dead.dead.dead.dead

and I laughed.

[mysterious 8:30]

I was woken up today at nine something by my boss calling me to tell me that she'd be in today, so that it would be alright to come into work today. Originally I thought the call was someone else because the ringer tone sounded different then the one I'm used to...

... but alas no, it wasn't and no fun chocolate center surprise awaited me in the form of a caller.

However, after the call, I noticed that someone called me around eight-thirty. The number was "Restricted" however, so I don't know who it was. Oh well, no big deal... except... this person has been trying to reach me for the last couple of days. I don't know who it is, because in the past it has said "Unavailable" and now "Restricted". I don't know who you are...

but damn, if you're gonna call me, try doing it at a reasonable hour. Obviously you want to talk otherwise you wouldn't keep calling... just... damn, think ahead... or put some initiative to actually call again in the same FUCKING DAY, instead of taunting me with a phantom caller...

Bah, i'm still half-asleep and this post is making no sense.

I hate you Sylvester Stallone... you and your Judge Dredd.

[Plan 12 from Inner Space]

I love this episode of the X-Files, because they mention Plan 9 from Outer Space, and it actually plays through for about three minutes. You can actually hear and see clips from it...

and i found that amusing, because it was such a horrible movie, that it became funny.

Damn, i wish i hadn't lost my copy of Glen or Glenda! The last time I remember having it was either that time we went camping at Dash Point, or it was that time we watched it in jOe's house.

I can't remember which.

And that is all for now.

Bonnie, that was great.

You pointed out something I forgot to: Most teacher strikes aren't about wanting a raise, they're about not wanting to take a pay cut. Seems like every time a contract comes up, the districts are trying to take away more than they offer in raises - something they no doubt have learned from big business.

Which is exactly the problem, schools are being run as if they are a business. Seems like a good idea to some, but in reality it doesn't work all that well.

Insofar as trying to control a classroom full of 8th graders goes: no thanks. Just being around them to fix shit is more than enough for me.

[Developing the Leader with You]

'Tis funny...

out of all the words I likely misspelled, and out of all the words I typed,
You seemed to zero in on that one rather well...

Almost sounds like projection... mr. collins...
(and that's freudian too) ;)

1. there is a reason i didnt graduate highschool
2. there is a reason i didnt become a teacher
3. there is a reason that jeff typed : "
to be a teacher. In all fariness, I still keep"
( its called a freudian slip, he should understand that )
4. there is a reason that you should download the google toolbar, as it allows you to now blog via it.

5. i must now go defecate, there is a reason for this as well.

[learning]

Funny thing is... i considered strongly to be a teacher. In all fariness, I still keep that as a potential possibility. All i would really have to do is go back for two more years of training... if that.

But really, one thing, or one major thing anyway, is the fact that i want to be able to eat more than a quarter pounder with cheese for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

I've heard it a thousand times: lots of teachers take on two jobs just to afford the luxury of following that passion of teaching because they have a family of their own and, as Bradbury elegantly pointed out, have student loands...

Until you accumulate student loans following what you want to do, i'd be careful what you talk about...

and this:

I'd rather fly passionate teachers in from the Philippines than send my kid off to learn from someone who thinks about teaching as "just their job."

I hope you were joking, and i figure that you were...

because seriously, people from the Phillipines? ANYBODY underqualified to teach should not be able to teach... then when have a nation of Bethel graduates basically...

no offense to all you Bethel Graduates, but i was one of you, and i remember some of the really dumb ass teachers in that school...

Really, who can recall a good teacher... and how many...
my list is fairly short: Colovos, Mr. Wright (i think was his name - Materials Science Teacher), Ms. Paris, Mr. Sawatski, Mr. Ball, Mr. Gliege (to some he may not have seemed it, but he was fairly decent)...

Short list eh, considering the number of teachers we had (and yes, i'm sure i am forgetting one or two).

I won't go to far into this, because Bradbury did a good job of outlining costs and all...

But i will give this... do you remember all those know-it-all substitutes who would come in and start trying to teach you, and you'd realize that you 1) knew more than they did about the subject, and 2) they really didn't know shit?

Yea, that's what you're basically asking to populate the school with... Not passionate teachers, but passionate substitutes.

So in the end... i think there's a good chance i would have been training for teaching if not for the fact that had i gone that route, it would have taken me years to pay off student loans, and more to have a house and all that.

No, they get paid shit, and we need them, and by that, they have every right to basically fight for their livelihood. Sometimes i'm surprised we have teachers...

That's a bit of a skewed view of the situation Jordan....

First off, 90% of the time teachers aren't striking to get some elaborate raise. Most often, it's to avoid losing things they already have. When they are striking for more money, it's usually for a cost of living adjustment.

Secondly, teachers get paid shit. Most garbage truck drivers make more money with better benefits than most teachers. Teachers need to spend a lot of the money they earn on education, both paying off the student loans they acquired in becoming a teacher, and paying for the ever continuing education they are required to take to keep their certificate.

"They have benefits... and they're not going to starve." Come on dude, that's a bullshit excuse. That's like saying "Homelessness isn't a problem, they can sleep in bus depots."

Better off paying teachers less? Where the fuck did you get that from? It has more negative consequences than positive ones. Can you say morale?

The idea of it just becoming a career isn't too far off - they pay administrators much more than they do teachers. There are a good number of people who go straight to the top without putting in years of making shit wages.

Also, the shitty pay keeps a lot of people that would have been excellent teachers from doing it. Take a look at Bethel's salary schedule

Let's see here, at an MA+45 and five years teaching you clear $40k a year. Or, a PhD and three years teaching. That's not going to attract a lot of people who would have otherwise been great teachers. $90,000 plus in education to start at $38K a year? Fucking shit man, no wonder there's a shortage of qualified teachers.

I never said nobody should be a teacher, I only said being a teacher is a shitty job. That, is a verifiable fact. Multiple know-it-all parents on your ass, other parents pissed because of their kid's bad grades. The school board able to overule your authority if someone bitches and moans loud enough. All while your salary isn't too far above the poverty line.

Do we need teachers? Yes...

Am I wrong in saying Teaching is a shitty job? No...

Personally, I think we're better off paying teachers less. They have benefits... and they're not going to starve. Who would you rather have teach your kid? Some low income teacher who teaches because it's their passion? Or some career oriented teacher who doesn't give a rat's ass about the kids.. and just wants to make a nice living? I'd rather fly passionate teachers in from the Philippines than send my kid off to learn from someone who thinks about teaching as "just their job." and I gurantee... that as soon as people start careers as teachers simply to make a good living... the passion..the inspiration for the kids... the force that encourages students to be successful.. will be lacking..if not absent.

What these teachers need to realize is... being a teacher is a shitty job. I wouldn't apply to work in fast food and then bitch about the pay. I know going in that it sucks. Teaching is a profession that people get into because they can't imagine themselves doing anything else. Now why...Why? do they continually go on strike to demand more money when they knew all along that the pay was shit?

[Every year]

So another year, another set of teacher strikes. I still remember last year when this came up as an issue... and the year before that...

I think this has been an issue since I was a junior in high school, maybe even before that.

I imagine that it will be this way until the economy picks up...

still though, it's a frustration... i can think of dozens of people i know that have said they would be teachers if only they would pay enough such to actually make a decent life for themselves.

Anyway
in other less important news...

Demolition Man.

HEHEHAHA...

I had forgotten just how incredibly terrible this movie was... and then i saw it the other day.

I'm shocked that this and Speed were Sandra Bullock's career-founding movies.

I'm also shocked that there take on the future had Taco Bell being the only restaurant in the future. Taco Bell? I wonder how much Taco Bell spent funding this movie. Why didn't they just call the city Taco-angeles?

I hate you Stallone... but i'd never tell you that to your face cause you could prolly rip my arms off with but a thought.

But oh so do i hate you.

You know... this SoBig virus and this MSBlaster virus...

i'm glad i didn't have to worry about it.

cause it keeps screwing with everyone...

everyone but me.

However, i s'pose i shouldn't brag to much, or some bastard will come after me...

oh and...

ha ha ha haha ha... i bet james in iSketch...
yeeup, just had to add that in.

[idea]

Hmm, if everyone on the board, and everyone who reads the board could send me an email with their contact info, or post it (if you're daring enough), then that would be great.

Don't worry about sending me a virus or that sobig crap... having a Mac gives that little advantage.

Anyway, if everyone could, then that would help with something... and no, i won't spam you, that's just childish... unless you're the Pringles corporation of course.

Tonight I had to deal with the moron/retard who called the publisher and got me canned. He was convinced to write a letter to the publisher, but the first letter was total shit. So tonight, we head back over there..and argue with the stupid fuck until he gives up and copies this letter that *I* wrote word for word in his handwriting...


Mr. XXXXXXXXXXXXXX,

Recently I contacted you in regards to a problem with the newspaper carrier Jordan Smith. I told you that among other things he had used an expletive to describe disabled customers. This was not actually true, and does not represent his attitude at all. I was very emotionally charged when I spoke with him on the phone, and I became mixed up about what he said.

I recently met with the carrier and he explained to me where he was coming from, and why he did what he did. I had first moved the paper box to a very awkward delivery location without consulting him, and he simply moved it for easier access.
My failure to communicate with the carrier is what the problem was based on. In retrospect, he has been providing extra convenience to my disabled client for as long as he has had the route. I did not have a legitimate complaint, and I could have avoided a lot of misunderstanding if I had contacted him in a calm manner without threatening him right away. I would also like to apologize for bypassing customer service when addressing this issue. At the time I thought it was a very big deal, and wanted to make a big deal out of it.

Please do not terminate Jordan’s contract over my exaggerated account of what happened. He has always been more than willing to accommodate my disabled client, and will continue to do such. I can be reached at (360) 333-**** and really want to see Jordan get his route back.

Sincerely,
The Guy who doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground


Argh... there should not be people this stupid walking around in the general public....

TCMSA.com

hehehe.

You would change it from loose-slugs?

For shame... for shame...??

first of all.

I'd like to say that dialup is a boswanian whore's worst nightmare.
it is like being gangbanged by six mexicans who all ate spicy burritos and have bad gas and being forced to give each and every single one of them rim jobs while they attempt to foot out the alphabet with their flatulence.

yes.

secondly, my paypal account 'went under' so to speak - it seems that the donations ( 10$ total, 2 incriments of 5$ from bradbury ) had to be 'accepted' - so they took the payment ( 25$ ) out of my bank account, which then put that under, and washington mutual decided to tag an extra 22$ onto that. those fuckers. In any event - Im looking at rehosting the website to (apisnetworks mostly because I can get a discount for being a SA goon. It should cost about 5$ a month - I already have a pretty crazy neat idea for something with that. In any event.

The "domain" for this might run out soon, and Im not going to shell out the $$$ for keeping it alive ( mind you, for those who are panicing, AHAHAH, it isnt to say the website itself will be down. I shall explain :

Domain is (blahblahblah.com) - ie : what you type in to get to the website
Webhost is where the files (txt, pictures, data) is kept

So its like like changing the title of a book - but keeping the book intact. )

anywho.
with signing up with these people, with the discount they offer domain registration for free.
the question is : anyone have any suggestions as to a website URL?

it has already been suggested

trippin-mad.com
or
mad-trippin.com

from the quote with the girl " Im just trippin man its all good "
anyone else have any ideas?

Oh poor Zacho...

It seems like he's havin' trouble with the pussies again.

Why do the parents of severely handicapped kids send them to school?

Because the school has to provide "equal" education for every child, even the ones with the approximate brainpower of spinach.

At the taxpayers' expense, they have to provide someone to feed the little retard, wipe the little retard's ass and play fucking games with the little retard all day, and call it education.

It boils down to this: You don't want to watch twitchy-drooly the short-bus special eat lunch, neither do it's parents.

They're so sick of their little "present," school becomes "send it there to keep it busy so we don't have to pay for invalid care until it turns 18."

hhmm... Well I read through the better portion of the americans with disabilities act, and most all of it is refering to Employers discriminating against the disabled applicants who want a job. Personally, I think this sort of legislation is bullshit. I should be able to hire whomever I want to work at my company. If I want to start a fast food chain and hire only large breasted women in wife beaters, I think I should be able to do that.

I completely agree that there should be wheelchair ramps at the post office, and at any government institution. That's a good thing, and if companies decide to add extra facilities to accomodate the disabled, hey..that's awesome. What I have a problem with is the attitude of entitlement coming from those who are supposedly disabled. The attitude is a persistent, "I'm disabled so you HAVE to do this for me."

About a month ago I walked into the bathroom at the local community college, and some guy with his left arm crumpled against his side asked me to help him button his pants. I looked him straight in the eye and told him "NO." He asked me again and again, adn I told him that I wouldn't help him again and again... he got pissed off and asked why I wouldn't help him, and I told him I wasn't comfortable touching his pants. What the hell kind of attitude is that? I can only use one arm, so button my pants for me... FUCK YOU BUDDY...

For all I know, he would ask me to help and then turn around and claimed I felt him up or something, and try to sue me. It's much safer to just not get involved. You know what? He could have bought pants with vel-cro... come on.. If *I* was handicapped, er..um.. I mean handi-capable.. I would figure out how not to be dependent on others... I wouldn't want to be dependent on others if it was possible.

Oh, and the woman who was supposedly disabled in the whole losing my job scenario.. I recall seeing her come out of the house very fast when I was doing power slides in her driveway a few weeks ago...

[For a bit of comic relief]

So here's something interesting...

I didn't realize that I left this program called running...
which allows people to download pictures that I have taken... and files that I have written, and movies that I have made... and audio recordings that I have put together (yes it's one of those)

So i thought, "heh, i wonder what other people have been downloading from me"...

so I checked... and nearly fell out of my seat dying of laughter...

for this was one fo the downloaded files: "James [i like penis].jpg"

It's hilarious because... someone downloaded that image i captured from my screen where james' head is floating about and a text bubble is sticking out that says, "i like penis"...

but to the layperson perusing pictures, they saw that title and thought, "oh yummm gay porn about a guy named james"

HAHEHEHA, so now james' head is not only floating around saying "i like penis" but it's floating around inside the head of some other guy whackin' it while imaging james screaming at the top of his lungs, "oh yea, i like the penis"

HEHEHAHAHAHEEHAHA... and suddenly the world opens up to me, as i realize... the board is only where some fun can be had... why not spread photoshopped fun of james through this little application...

and just name it random things. Now, i had this thought before, but i always wondered how well it worked. This however, only proves that it will.

For those curious about what other pictures...

they also downloaded a picture of james and andy meeting bullrabbit (ask them for more info on that if you're that curious) and a picture of that nambla thing... i think that was the man-boy post i made about for my most vile posts... or it was the fat-association... i forget which...

either way... it's still funny.

There are two key things you are forgetting Jordan:

1) The customer is always right. Especially when they can call your boss and get you fired.

2) The Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA). While it's a little blurry as to whether this applies to you, it's not something to fuck with. The government has NO sense of humor when it comes to matters of businesses not making concessions for cripples.

A bit different for paper boys, moreso considering you put the tube by the existing mailbox, but they could still make life suck for you.

Oh, wait, they did.

A little thing called "Customer Service" might have helped you here....

So just recently.... I lost my job... and through shitloads of effort, and the fact that my manager likes me and doesn't want to have to train someone else to do my job.. I was able to get the termination of my contract reduced to a period of probation...

For those of you who don't know, I deliver newspapers... a lot of them. It's good money for the little time I have to spend, I don't have to wake up til noon, It's very flexible and I like it. This whole thing happened because 1 guy was pissed off at me, and went and talked to the publisher. His claims were that I discriminate against disabled people, because when he called me up and started threatening me and making demands that I provide extra service for his mother and law or he was going to "raise hell."

I basicly told him to go fuck himself, and the next day when I went into the office my manager handed me a letter than said simple. "according to your contract either party can cancel it for any reason, and we are, you have til the end off september."

Now that it has been reduced to a probation, I'm not so worried.. but still my name has been soiled. Me moving some old woman's box across the road next to her mailbox like everyone else's is NOT enough to get me canned. The phone call from tuesday was a good snapshot of his attitude and intentions, and based on that I think he went to the publisher and told a bunch of fucking lies....

So now... here I am... in a really shitty volatile position because of this miserable little fuck. I knew who he was long before all this crap happened. He's in his late 40's and paints houses and wipes disabled/old people's asses for the state. He was studying to be a nurse, but quit because it was "too hard." All in all, a total pussy... and a complete moron.

Now... the question I pose to the board is this.... How far is too far when it comes to revenge? When he was tracked down in person he said that with my attitude about the disabled he didn't care if I lost my job. He has no remorse...

So what do I do now? Well.. lots of things... I'm looking for some creative suggestions that would be a fitting retaliation for getting me fired.

The hot shop coordinator, Chuck Lopez, kept telling me "Quit work, make art" while I was at Pilchuck.

Tuesday the question was raised to me at work, if I wanted to drop from 260 working days a year (standard full-time year round) and work 180 days a year (match the school year).

Today I was given the choice yea or nay, the paperwork has to be submitted. They are "creating" four such 180 day positions, giving the current techs first crack. Once they're filled, they won't be opened again until vacated (i.e. someone quits or is fired, both rare occurrences). Once you've resigned the 80 days, you can't get them back unless a 260 day position is vacated.

Basically, do it now, or don't get the chance. If you do, you're stuck there.

What's this represent? Roughly a thirty percent cut in pay, as the 180 position pays the same hourly as the 260, but you work fewer hours in the year. Still twelve paychecks a year, just smaller checks, and 80 extra days off.

So, I'll be a broke SOB for a little while (only planning on staying two more years tops), but I now have summers off.

Baby steps towards "Quit work, make art."

Here's to not being stuck in the same 9-5 hell for the rest of my damn life.

Cheers.

Hahahaehhe

The news.... no i take that back... Q13 Fox is the best source for comedy...

their poll: "Should an employer be allowed to fire someone for being overweight?"

97% of poll respondents said YES.

NINETY-SEVEN!

HEhahaehehahaheheahehehaehahaaa

Apparently while people like me hate California, others are off hating and wanting Fat people to go jobless...

HEHAHEHEA

Oh and i forgot to say this earlier but... that lady with the Krispy Kremes...

yeah... i bet she was Californian too. Only a Californian would be stupid enough to park their camper next to a soon-to-open Krispy Kreme.

Hahahahahaha
hahaha

Krispy Kreme...
ahehahaeha

This lady... ahhaha and her son... ahaheaha parked their van outside... ahahaha waiting for months before one opened...a haehehaha and she was like: "i could have spent $5000 on a vacation and not had as much fun as this!" ahehahaehehahaeha

OMG... haheheaha

For my part, I could have spent $5000 dollars and I don't think I would have heard something as funny.

[Robo-BusDriver]

Jimmy called me while i was on the bus today.

Always the slacker that guy...
so we were talking...

and constantly, constantly interrupted by the bus-driver...

who was pointing out things along side the road...

---

Now let me explain why this is such an annoyance.

First there is the voice. He sounded like a robot. A black-man, black-bus driving robot. Even jimmoi thought so. Actually he thought our bus driver was an ewok... but that's just cause jimmoi's in alaska, and cause marriage is drivin' him insane.

Secondly... the bus driver's route is through ranier ave, through suburbia Seattle.

That's right... SUBURBIA SEATTLE.

Yet, with every stop it was, {in metallic voice} "... and over here there is the {gasp} the Post Office {hearty robotic laugh}... and two your left is the swimming pool... fo' schnizzle yo, this is route 48 on the west side {more hearty laughter}"

... and yes, before you ask... he did say fo' schnizzle and he did say west side.

Yet another reason why i hate Metro.

I betcha he was Californian.

I make a damn good pie.

I have been gone for many, many moons... on a vision quest of great importance...

but now i return... and low and behold... Napster posts...

but alas that plan won't work, because it won't be bloody enough... CALIFORNIA MUST FALL...

Meh, in other news... findin' a roommate is hard...

at least a somewhat responsible and clean roommate... and one that is not from arabia...

The ones who are like... "we live good, i move in... friends we be"...

it's like they all speak worse than Yoda, and they aren't Jedi Masters, so really there is no redeeming quality... the only thing that would be worse would be to move in with zach-o and have a carpet of jones soda... or jimmy and have a carpet of black encrusted underwear, or james, and a carpet of pieces of X-Box and scribbled notes from 1998.

to that i say, BAH!

I wish I had the amusement of asian people fighting around me. I took a ceramics class over the summer at my local community college as did some international students. There was a cantonese guy, a korean guy, a tiawanese girl, a chinese girl, and a japanese girl.

When I realized how time consuming the class was, I snickered to myself imagining the arguments that would break out among the asians as a result of everyone being there so much, and obscene comments left on the board in chinese characters. Much to my dissapointment, they all seemed to get along. I envy you Big Brother Napster.

I found zacho to be bitter.

...

Maybe I was sucking on the wrong end? O_o

Well, I'm back. Damnit.

Had a three-hour blow slot after dinner, everything I made hit the floor. Not one damn thing left my blowpipe and went into the annealer. Fuck. As soon as the last one hit the floor, I cleared my bench of all the tools, said a few goodbyes and went home.

Strange ending to a very strange experience.

Now, I must sleep.

Damn, there is nothing better than a couple of games of pool and alcohol...

and the realization that instead of playing worse with each drink... you play so much better :)

At least I do. Mwahaha... excellent.

Anyone know of a good place to go to get a relatively good cue-stick for cheap?

^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^

it is asked, " what is the best job? "
oh this is easy, ( i say ) -
the 'best job' consists of a very well endowed blonde,
by endowed i mean breasticles, not testicles,
who spends the majority of her time around me on her knees.

she could be on her knees, and 'walking' or on her knees 'crawling' like a dog, but as long as she is on her knees, its all good.

oh shit - short hair too... short blonde hair. and grey eyes. and always wearing a skirt and always wearing some sort of really attractive shoes. she'll even keep them on in the shower. thats right. she'll wear shoes in the shower. motherfuckers. she's my shoe-wearing blonde-haired grey-eyed on-her-knees-all-the-time girl. where were we? oh. yes, the best job.

( on a side note, i would just like to point out to everyone that jeff never really ends any of his sentences. He always ends something with " ... " - which really agitates me because its like he never stops talking. When, in reality, all he does is listen to people talk about their shitty lives. Fuck, even I go to him sometimes and talk to him about my 'pee pee problems' I like to call them. Who else can I attack in this side bit? Oh. Zach is a flaming homosexual who always accuses other people of being gay. He has this 'projection' problem you see, he sees the faults ( or in this case, sexual prefrence ) in other people that are actually his own faults ( and sexual preference ) and he just cannot conciously deal with that fact ( that he enjoys taking it in the ass by spanish men who wear alligator suits and chant french songs about wiccan whores ) - and Jimmoi. Don't get me started on Jimmoi. You want to know the only reason why he's "getting on jordan's case" ? Because Jimmoi tried to 'get with' Jordan ( really, who hasnt Jimmoi tried to 'get with' - wait, no, thats Mike. In which case, what happened to mike rigney? - remember when I tried to make that a catch phrase? oh shit im going into a side tangent in a side note ) - So Jimmoi comes up to Jordan and asks him if he could give Jordan a blowjob and Jordan was like : " Dude, you're asian. Where is your car? " - and Jimmoi cannot help being asian. His slanted eyes gets him in trouble a lot of time, especially in the air force. His commanding officers always think he is 'falling asleep on the job' - and he says " SORRY SARGE ITS MAH EYES DEY IS SLANTED " - when in fact, he is just sleeping on the job. I dont know who to hit next so this is the end of my side note. )

and then she'll come up to me with like, drinks. Whisky on the rocks. In a nice glass, and say : " Sir, here is your drink. May I interest you in anything else? " while slowly rubbing my inner thigh. I'll look down to her and say " You know, now that you mention it, there is something else you might be able to get me. " - and I'll send her off to the kitchen to get something for me and watch her fine ass walk/crawl away on her knees.

Im pretty hungry.
Yeah.

thats the best job.

what is the best job?

on the 5th of september I start a job at the scoone both at the fair

[Synergistic]

A strange thought occurred to me...

but I can't remember it, so instead i'll post about this new idea I had...

Have you ever noticed how recent heros have a saying for when they are about to kick your ass. Hell, it's to the point where even non-heros and lay-people have those sayings...

Like, take for instance, Marvel's Hero, the Thing: "It's Clobberin' Time!"

OR there's Arnold's "I'll Be Back!", right before he comes back driving a car to ram straight into your chest cavity.

These "kick your ass" sayings are everywhere and come in different shapes and different sizes. I mean, just look at Pulp Fiction for a draw out, but nicely executed one from Mr. Sam Jackson. I mean, damn... it makes me wish i was black, had an afro, and a black suit so that i could quote Bible Scripture just before bustin' a cap in yo's asses, for realz...

I mean, even James has a variant... Zacho often heard it when he was down here, and it went something along the lines of: "It's ass-Reamin' TIME!"...

of course, that was less "ass-kickin'" and more... well, you know...

So to that end, I've decided to have my own, for whenever you people piss me off and i'm forced to open up a can o' whooooop-ass and whatnot...

and it shall be a great comglomeration of two other great sayings, so as to be able to hold in all of my great and thunderous wrath...
... and it shall be:

It's Pity Time!

That's right... a mixture of The Thing and Mr. T... two of the baddest of the bad-asses...

---

Now, with all the time in the trenches during this struggle with California, I've also had some time to realize something else...

Along with my great saying, that I use whenever i cut down some smog-breathin', ultra-yuppie, hollywood screenwriting, Gigli-producing Californian, I need a Pity-List, just like Mr. T had, back in the day...

That's write... a list of the top people that should watch themselves should they ever cross paths with me...

so, to start out Jeff's Pity List...

Let's introduce my first Pity: VERN FONK

Now, we are all familiar with Vern Fonk Commercials... I mean, who isn't... that bastard is everywhere you channel surf... unless your in Alaska, like some "supposedly" homosexual people, or Cleve-natti, like some "closet-longing for asian meat" other people... and you can't escape it. His latest Commercial series, going off of the Sopranos...

using the clever moniker: the Vernpranos, features two "wise-guys" about to beat some guy for crashing into them... or them crashing into him, i don't really give a rats ass... then they stop when they see he has a Vern Fonk sticker...

WHAT THE BLAZING, PITYING FUCK!? There is some real problems here people... First of all, what if that bastard doesn't really have Vern Fonk Insurance... what if he just has the sticker... I mean damn... I'll just get the sticker so that Vern Fonk won't come try to kick my ass... (which i'd like to see him try, and you'll understand more in a second).

Secondly... no... you know what, there is no secondly... there is no secondly cause those stupid commercials are pissing me off and i don't even care if they make sense or not anymore. OOooh, look, it's Vern Fonk as Forrest Gump... OOOH look, it's Vern Fonk as Tony Soprano... OOOh look, it's Vern Fonk as Eminem...

DAMN YOU VERN FONK.... how's about trying to do VERN FONK AS THE REAL VERN FONK!?!

Yes, that's right, I know you're secret.

For years, all of you have been duped into thinking that this:

this, balding man is the one and only Vern Fonk...

but guess what... he's not.

Rather... this lowly, viagra-munching man:

is the real Vern Fonk.

Doesn't it just taint your view of Vern Fonk Insurance...

Oh yeah, i'll Honk when I drive by Vern Fonk... right before I turn around and drive INTO Vern Fonk...

If i seem a tad bit irate, it's because I am... this lowlife tricking us... not to mention the fake vern fonk is some actor named Rob Thielke. Now this bastard is in a movie called "Doomed Planet", which looks like something that Something Awful would rate as probably a -40... perhaps even lower...

This man should not be allowed to procreate, if there were to be such a ban... since there is not, he is on my Pity List 2003.

Furthermore, I betcha that one of those two Vern Fonk's is Californian.

*Note: I'd like to thank Mr. Harry Wapler for his covert investigations using a small wireless laptop, while taking breaks from watching porn. Good work Wappler

Yeah, "Bonnie Seaborn" I'm also trying to figure out what you meant by 30 whiney pussies at Starbucks. I'm confused, are you categorizing people who go to Starbucks as "uppity" because they pay $4 for coffee? Wouldn't you yourself be included in that group as you were present to observe said "uppity pussies"? You're already a bitch, but I do appreciate you exercising the self restraint before your status is upgraded to "total bitch."

Just so you know... you don't usually state that you're using sarcasam, it's supposed to be obvious.. which is the nature of sarcasam. Once you've gotten that concept down, you might want to brush up on your "being clever" skills.

how DOES one ' suck a fuck ' - it is asked,
and asked again.

One can easily ask the same question of Donnie Dorko.



or his sister, Donna Darkie.


now surely the specific meaning of ' suck a fuck ' can be debated on and on. I could invite some frenchmen to the board and have them tell you how it originated in spain and then wild goats that were on battleships immigrated over with it branded into their hind ends and the "native americans" or "GAMBLE IN MY CASINO" as they like to be called now, took up the name and used it to refer to cheap whores. Eventually the cheap whores got offended by this but I wont go into their story because all in all I dont have any frenchmen at my disposal and I dont want to stand around like two penises staring eachother down.



but just so that this post isnt " wasted " so to speak.
I'll repost an old story that you all may rembember...

The story of the enema without a butt

Once upon a time in a magical fantasy enema-forest-type setting, there was a young enema called "Edward." Edward wandered throughout the magical fantasy enema-forest moping around, slouched over... sad.



He wandered far (yes, waaay past that one tree) and farther still, always moping. always sad, hunched over - for he himself wasn't all that liked in the Magical Fantasy enema-forest kingdom.



Edward the enema soon passed the tree and left it far behind him... then came a cloud that seemed to mock his misery. He tried not to look at the cloud that mocked him, so he continued to slouch. Continued to walk.
And continued to be sad.



Butt then all of a sudden, something new, and hairy appeared! It shone and beckoned for him to come closer. It wiggled and wagged its floppy self so much that it got Edward's attention. It began to make Edward feel much better. He began to smile, unaware of the fact that the tree that he had pass wasn't so far away after all - as it was still waaaay off in the distance.



Just then, the wiggly hairy thing jumped upon his head and began to violently jump up and down on him. Edward didn't mind this - he just smiled wider and wider, and eventually stopped slouching. He had a friend now. All was happy and joyous in magical fantasy enema-forest land.



The end.

[afterthought]

If there is one thing you NEVER do on the board it's ask a question like how exactly do you "suck a fuck" because if you've been around long enough... you know one of a few possible outcomes are likely:

a) James will say "TZA!", find a hobo sit in front of him eating a cheeseburger, then pay the man $100 dollars for watching him eat the cheeseburger

b) claim that the Big Bang was all apart of his grand creation within the matrix of the Truman Show...

OR

c) explain and diagram how one goes about "sucking a fuck" - and believe me, you'll only end up even more confused, as more than likely james will use this as an opportunity to post against me... and i assure you that sucking a fuck will more than likely either

a) involve myself, zacho, or jimmoi and a goat, bear, weasel, river-otter, or shorebird and some deviant sexual act

b) involve himself and one of his hot bitches

OR

c) "TZA!"

You're only inviting the already invited.

oh shit zach.

i didnt know you lived in cleveland, OHIO.
CLEVELAND ROCKS. CLEVELAND ROCKS.

DO YOU KNOW DREW CAREY?!

[matchmaker]

Hey jOe... what about Chrissie? Hmmm... i mean she's shorter than you... and smaller... and tinier... almost like an ant really by comparison...

but if you have kids, maybe they'll be balanced out fairly well?

Just a genetical thought...

Damn you jOe! you got first post of the day!

Bah!
That's it, you're on the front lines in my war against California.

Everyone, meet jOe... and that really is him, i didn't make it up.

I need a woman when will I get a woman.
Shit I may kill my self if I dont get a woman.

Help!!!

HAY
COCKSMOKERS

thats right.
deconstruction. finally someone is listening to me. what are you talking about son? pep rallies? jesus chroist it looks like everyone is coming out of the woodwork, and what the fuck is this shit about jimmoi writing haikus? of all the bloody poetry he has to get into, he writes haikus? you fuckin' homo - go suck a fuck or something.

by suck a fuck i mean " go suck a fuck " - I hope that comes through the translation well. I tried to translate 'zacho' from french into english and it came out "THERE IS NO ZACH STREET" - and so I shot the frenhman who translated it for me, but I didnt pay him. TEN PER NOTCH ( NEW NOTCH ) HE SAID. I SAID HE COULD ROT WITH SAINT PETER. YOU HEARD THE BITCH. NOW HERE IS MY HAIKU THAT I WROTE A LONG TIME AGO TO MAKE FUN OF HAIKUS. OH SHIT WHAT IS WITH THE CAPSLOCK ITS LOCKED. HAHAHA. GET IT. CAPSLOCKED. FUCK YOU.

nitrous oxide
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha ha

hey i fixed my capslock button. seems all i had to do i push it down. oh shit. what the hell is going on now. it wont capitalize anything. fuck! james! the president of the united states of america! shit shit shit, nothing is coming out with big letters! not even names! tza! oh my god! somebody come fix my keyboard it is freaking out! maybe someone has haxored my computer!

die.


now.

where is my lollypop?

For everyone who poses the question "Why does everybody hate the French so much?" Have you ever been to a pep rally at school? It's kind of like that... you know.. How excited you are when you're playing against the school whom you've beat over and over in every sport, and in retaliation they use their school colors in the form of krylon to cover your school's bus with graffiti because they hate losing. Then you have a reason to enjoy them going down, and during the pep rally you know your team will wipe the floor with theirs, and you want to see them fail, you want to see them humiliated. They say that your school is full of dumb jocks, and brag about the accomplishments of their chess club. They think they are more sophisticated than you, they think that your school is full of bullies. The thing is, you're not a bunch of bullies they're just a bunch of uppity whiny little pussies that need to be given a swirly every once in a while...

yeah... It's kinda like that...

I'm working on learning the phonetic alphabet.

Would "Opossum" be more appropriate for "O" or "P"? I want to come up with something where all of the words begin with a silent letter to confuse people.

Hey i post...

... mostly...

okay... somewhat mostly...

AH FUCK YOU JIMMOI! Besides, it takes awhile for these damn photoshopped images... which is the only reason why i post... to belittle everyone including myself...

and that bitch crystal...

oh, and VERN FONK! That's right Vern... I know your secret... you fuckin' ass-master... thought you could hide it, but NOOOOOOoooooo, you didn't do a good enough job. Yours will be coming buddy... just you wait.

Anyway...

otherwise... i wonder if breanna and justin do read this still. If so... hey guys, sorry i haven't called in a bit, i've been trying to set up the new house i live in and find a new roommate... which for some odd reason come to check out the place and never ever call back.

Bah.

SHOUT OUT TO MAH NIGGAS.

SUP.

this isnt a post I want to make. or type out.
so I figured this would be the best way to put it.

fill in the captions for each image -
and you should get the messege.

yeup. that should do it.

Damn, there is something so addictive about Court TV and the forensic stuff they do... and the criminal profiling...

man i wish i took more crime psych classes in school... i need to start reading up on more of that stuff...

Just a thought.

mwahahaha

hanging up on people is fun :)

oh, and california sucks.
:)

If i had to vote, i'd go for Uptown Girls...

okay, no i wasn't serious.

I kinda wanna see Freddy vs Jason, just cause i remember as a kid, watching horror movies when I wasn't supposed to, i always wondered who was a more bad-ass psychopathic, paranormal killer.

Of course, now I'm all grown up...

Yes. Excellent.

[updation]

Posting about the ongoing War to take California takes a lot out of a person, and takes a lot of time...

So i thought i'd take a breather from that and say...

I HATE THE NEW VERN FONK INSURANCE COMMERCIAL... it's just another rip-off of the Sopranos... only this time it features, at the end, a fat man without his shirt running after escaping from the back of their trunk... WTF? Bah! I hate you Vern Fonk... I bet your californian.

If i wanted to see a shirtless fat man run, i'd unleash jOe and chase him with one of those electrified cattle-prod while yelling out, "Moooo!!!!"... but do I? No. Why? Probably because I DONT want to see a shirtless fat man run. (Well i suppose it's also because I don't have an electrified cattle-prod...)

ok, ive not had anyone come and tell me that my "Aim Extravaganza" is boring, worthless, or annoying yet. So I'll let you in on a third chapter - but this one will need some 'introduction'

A long long time ago I had logged onto MSN and someone came out of the blue to IM me. Now I dont know what it is with me - but everyone seems to confuse me with someone else. Usually I pick up on this pretty quick : and play along.

Usually they eventually find me out and move along. However, sometimes they never catch on. Case-in-point : is the following girl. I've maintained this girl for close to a year. and She still is oblivious.

Anywho. Here you go.

AIM EXTRAVAGANZA 3


Session Start Sat Oct 12 17:04:56 2002
*** NOTE: Your status is currently set to Away.
Caenum: hey. who are you ( ? )
GIRL :: i meat u on ink link dident i
GIRL :: ???
Caenum: I havent the slightest.
GIRL :: do u go on ink link???
Caenum: I dont know if I do or not
GIRL :: do u go on ink link??
Caenum: URL ?
GIRL :: what?
Caenum: this ' ink link ' deal, has a website ( url ) yes ?
GIRL :: just wait
GIRL :: i asked u a questoin it was do u go on ink link ??????
Caenum: not that I know of - hence : I ask for a URL - being there could be a chance that yes - and I just dont remember.
GIRL :: i dont no what ur talking bout man?
Caenum: ( cries )
Session Close Sat Oct 12 17:27:02 2002

*** NOTE: Your status is currently set to Away.
Mon Nov 25 21:22:03 2002

GIRL : hey

*** Auto-response sent to GIRL : Grand
Theft
Auto
Vice
City

Yum.

Caenum: hello . . .
GIRL : wassup?
GIRL : wot the hell was that?
Caenum: was .. what
GIRL : Caenum says:
Grand
Theft
Auto
Vice
City

Yum.

Caenum: ah, an away messege.
GIRL : ooooooooooook then
Caenum: I still dont know who you are O_o
GIRL : Mustafa]
Caenum: Mufasa?
GIRL : mustafa
Caenum: < no comprende
GIRL : wot
Caenum: ( dies )
GIRL : ha
GIRL : ?????????????????????
Caenum: O_o
GIRL : wot the?
Caenum: cheese + crackers
GIRL : what about it?
Caenum: = yum
GIRL : ok
Caenum: you bet
GIRL : oooooooooook
GIRL : :$
GIRL : do ya have a mobile?
GIRL : ??????????
Caenum: a cell phone?
Caenum: yes.
GIRL : cell?????
Caenum: mobil phone, cell phone, same difference.
GIRL : kz
Session Close Fri Nov 29 20:14:15 2002

Session Start Tue Mar 04 17:20:12 2003
GIRL : hey
GIRL : r u sick
GIRL : ???
Caenum: no, why.
GIRL : why arnt u at skool
GIRL : ?
Caenum: umm
GIRL : yeah
GIRL : ???
GIRL : u waged?
Caenum: went around with an old friend.
GIRL : so u 2 waged
GIRL : ??
Caenum: yeh
Caenum: whot'd I miss?
GIRL : ohh
GIRL : i dont go to ur skool i am in
GIRL : year 6
GIRL : well grade 6
GIRL : wot skool do u go to?
Caenum: didnt I tell u alredy?
GIRL : no
Session Close Tue Mar 04 17:27:09 2003


Session Start Fri Jul 18 21:23:04 2003
GIRL : hey
Caenum: you know me, im betting, and if you do - you know my memory is nil, and that i do not know who you are : correct?
GIRL : u dont mke any sence mister
Caenum: ah, i guess not.
Caenum: so then who are you? and i rarely make sense.
GIRL : sammy carr n u?
Caenum: that, howerver, made no sense or i didnt understand it - repeat?
GIRL : my name is SAMMY CARR!!!
GIRL : U?
GIRL : wat is ur name?
Caenum: ah.
GIRL : ?
Caenum: I go by Markus.
GIRL : kewl
GIRL : markus hoo?
GIRL : ?
GIRL : \coz i know a markuz
Caenum: not markuz. markus. and we dont know eachother.
Caenum: how is it you've happened upon me then?
GIRL : fine den bossy but
Caenum: umm.
GIRL : lol
GIRL : u seem like a spunk
Caenum: a spunk is ?
GIRL : is wot??
Caenum: yes, what is it.
GIRL : a cute personality
GIRL : and seem really nce
GIRL : nice**
GIRL : g2g baii
Session Close Fri Jul 18 21:51:46 2003



Session Start Sun Jul 20 04:09:32 2003
GIRL : hey
GIRL : sup?
GIRL : hello ya there/
Caenum: am now
GIRL : kewl
Caenum: if you say so.
Caenum: isnt it late for you?
GIRL : nope
Session Close Sun Jul 20 04:35:36 2003


Session Start Mon Jul 21 00:07:59 2003
GIRL : hey
GIRL : sup?
Caenum: nothing.
GIRL : kewl
GIRL : so....
GIRL : wot ya been ^2 latly?
Caenum: driving around aimlessly - playing video games - and soon to be drinkin a lot of alcohol.
GIRL : lolz
GIRL : lolz
GIRL : lolz
Caenum: yourself?
GIRL : not 2 much
Caenum: well that wasnt very descriptive at all.
GIRL : lolz
GIRL : ok then
GIRL : i watch t.v and went to skool and went on msn
GIRL : happy
GIRL : ?
GIRL : ?
Caenum: sounds boring.
Caenum: at least mine is boring too - but its got alcohol.
GIRL : lolz
Session Close Mon Jul 21 00:16:38 2003

Session Start Wed Aug 06 03:37:43 2003
GIRL : hey
Caenum: yo
GIRL : yo yo yo
GIRL : yo yo yo dues sup?
GIRL : yo yo yo dued its Ally here wassup?
GIRL : ya there
GIRL : ?
GIRL : /
GIRL : /
Caenum: yeh
GIRL : yo yo yo its Ally here WASSUP?
Caenum: SHIT GIRL hoW YOU BEEn?
GIRL : good
GIRL : u?
Caenum: I been trippin mad but its all good.
GIRL : kewl dued
GIRL : so.. wot ya been up 2 mate
GIRL : ?
Caenum: nothin much, you know, the usual.
GIRL : kewl
GIRL : same here
GIRL : sozzy
GIRL : but i have to go now
GIRL : litle bro
Caenum: l8yr
GIRL : baiiiiiiiiiiii
Session Close Wed Aug 06 03:48:07 2003

what.
the fuck?

Im sitting down. I've lost my cell phone. Things kind of suck.
And then I get the following text messege.

bludcrimson: hey I was wondering if you could help me out

thus begain...

AIM EXTRAVAGANZA 2

bludcrimson: hey I was wondering if you could help me out
bludcrimson: do you know anyone who could hook up some grass?
bludcrimson: I am so serious
caenum: this time of year? green or gold. because if you're looking for green - that'll be some expensive shit. most of it dries out by now.
bludcrimson: WOW you do know you're shit...THANK YOU!
bludcrimson: I have been looking for over an hour
bludcrimson: I just need a 20
bludcrimson: of some shit that gets you stoned
caenum: usually we deal in square feet.
caenum: and you'll have to talk to the landscaping department about stones.
bludcrimson: gawd damn hoss.
bludcrimson: just a 20 bad..no need to landscape
caenum: well i dont see what use twenty square feet will do. unless you're going to make a placemat with real grass or have a really small yard.
bludcrimson: whateva dip.
caenum: artificial ponds and lakes? I dont know much about those.
bludcrimson: no need to be a cocksucking fuck nut. I was just asking a simple question.
caenum: (talk to me on AIM, name notmud)
bludcrimson: naw fuck it. plus I dont have AOL and I 'm not about to download it just to be mindfucked
caenum: Yahoo admins monitor private and public chats for ... ah hem, the sort of grass you're talking about.
bludcrimson: and you think AOL doesnt?
bludcrimson: is there a yahoo chat you could go into?
caenum: You can download AIM hacks which prevent their I.P. screens to traceroute your chatlogs to them. You cannot with Yahoo.
caenum: as long as one of us has it - it works. I do.
caenum: always have to cover your ass online.
bludcrimson: hold
bludcrimson: is this worth my time?
caenum: this is good shit.


you can check out his UBAR LEET PROFILE here. I figured it was a distant cousin of Jeff (read: makahanaloa)

Do me a favor and make up new screen-names on YAHOO MESSENGER and talk to this guy.
Give him a good run for his money.

let your slugs loose.

Man o man. End of session today. Everyone left, except a few staff, myself included.

Said goodbye to my classmates and other newfound friends. The four Swedish women went their ways. Two back to Stockholm. Two are staying in Seattle for a couple days, then going home to Denmark (Copenhagen).

I'm not very good at farewells. Get all emotional and shit. Being tired and run down certainly doesn't help. Another night's sleep in my own bed tomorrow will be nice.

I met and formed friendships with a lot of really amazing people. The secluded campus and relatively tight quarters help. 120 people may seem like a lot, but I knew every one of them at least by sight.

I'll be doing some traveling next summer, in addition to spending as much time here as I can. Time to get out and see the world a little. They tell me Stockholm is lovely this time of year. Judging by how great the people are, I don't think I'll give a shit what the town is like.

I'm not sure if I'll survive another two weeks, but not being a student should help. Things will be a little easier as the librarian.

A tip to you all: never attempt to drink a Swede under the table. Even if she only weighs 43 kilos soaking wet, you won't win. Fucking A.

The War Against California: Pre-emptive planning

Now, breaking into California wouldn't be easy, and I knew this... so I quickly devised a little scheme by which we could successfully take that bastard state which pumps out fake breasts as fast as Britney Spears can order them...

To do this, I gathered some of the group members for a meeting: James and Jimmy.








And so with that, we formed our three attack forces...

to be continued...

yes

The War Against California

You know... it comes to my attention that I hate California. Obviously. And I have complained ad nauseum about how much I hate California and the people that swarm out of there. Really, what good has come out of California. I can think of none. We'll... probably some... but surely the evil outweighs the good.

So to that end, I have decided to declare war on that bastard state.

Now, I tried, with my friend Harry Wapler, to have Congress declare war on Canada, but they refused. Some nonsense about not being about to declare war on a section of itself... bah.

Then I tried planting fake evidence of Weapons of Mass Destruction all over the state. That worked for several weeks, but as a surprise to me, Bush figured it out...

So... as a result, I have been forced to put together my own special little task force, all with the sole purpose of destroying the Californian menace.

Now... this is not an easy task, mind you. I had to peruse all the people I know and weigh their strengths and weaknesses to determine who I should include for this unique task force. Finally though, I had my list of nine members:

As you can see... quite a formidable team I have formed:

1. Jeff Paulino: I'm there cause it was kinda my idea to wage the War Against California.


2. Jimmy Nicholas Miller: Jimmoi is another obvious choice because of his superior training in the Space Force, and because of his super human abilities (read previous posts for further info).


3. James C.: James is along for the ride because of his superhuman power to claim to have brought about the results of any and all possible outcomes.


4. Andy Wegener: Andy was tagged because of his German Engineering.


5. Aaron: Well, Aaron and James were having a debate about movies and such and as a result he ended up coming along when we shipped out. When he realized what we were planning, he tried to bail, but I had jOe sit on him. I figured we could use another person. Shortly thereafter, Aaron and James resumed their debate.


6. Joseph Benjamin Macauley: By this time, if you don't know why on Earth I'd bring the great human eating machine on a tactical strike against a nation, state, county, or personal basement, then you haven't been reading the boad long enough...


7. Harry Wapler: Harry Wapler came along for the ride for a couple of reasons. First of all, he was on Jimmoi's starship as first mate, along with ButtLove. Secondly, he killed a fuckin' T-Rex once (see past post some long time ago for details), and finally... we need someone to report to the world the atrocities that California is responsible for.


8. ButtLove the Chia: Ah, faithful ButtLove, Jimmoi's beloved pet that keeps him amused and gives him companion while he's flying in Space, protecting the Earth. He's also got special classified powers... funzo stuff.


9. pikajOe: PikajOe is the offspring of well... jOe and a pikachu. It's a long... sad... scary... story. Either way... we have now the combined abilities of jOe, and... well... a pikachu. Really, it's pretty self-explanatory... so if you can't get it... then really... that's just sad.

Well, that's the team. Soon i'll post about our first battle in the War Against California...

AIM extraVAganZA

NOTMUD : YOUR BABIES OF MAN CANNOT STOP ME
ZACHO : cant see what youre saying
NOTMUD : YES BABY, OH YESH. THAT FEELS GOOD
ZACHO : still cant see what youre saying
NOTMUD : IM GOING TO COME ALL OVER YOUR FACE.
ZACHO : argh hol don
NOTMUD : UUUUUUNNNNNNNGGGG OOOH >>>> MMMEEMAMAARRRGH YYEEAAAH
ZACHO : fucking hold on and let me restart fucker
NOTMUD : Another round you say? I dont know if I can take it, but i'll try. here, put it in your mouth.
ZACHO signed off at 5:23:40 PM.
ZACHO signed on at 5:27:43 PM.
ZACHO : now what the fuck did you say?

and Jimmoi's away messege for the day :


NOTMUD : it would be super
NOTMUD : ...

Auto response from JIMMOI:

NOTMUD : and think about it. really.
what if we could go back in time - and take all the bad moments in life and turn them into good moments? reallyu.

i hate you so much james.

JIMMOI: oh wait...
NOTMUD : this is the part
NOTMUD : where you like
NOTMUD : wake up
NOTMUD : and go out into the woods
NOTMUD : and sleep on the road
JIMMOI: i thought somethign better
NOTMUD : DO IT OR THE PLANE ENGINE WILL KILL YOU
JIMMOI: just watch
JIMMOI: youd hate me
JIMMOI: oh you just see
JIMMOI: hahahaha

I hate BITCHES!

and I hate CALIFORNIANS!

I hate that fuckin' state with so much passion that i worry that if i hated it anymore it would simply explode from the sheer power of my distaste...

hmm, that's actually something worth looking into.

Maybe if arnold runs for governor he can snap the spines of all the idiots that flood out of california like rats off of a sinking ship.

I hate you california... and so help me... the first wrong move and i'll bury you!

http://www.thehipsterhandbook.com/

im glad im not hip.
I mean what the fuck?

the word 'deck' to signify cool?
go suck a fuck.

Fuck off - if you want me, get your ass to a phone and call.
Music: Evanescence


Im using that as my away messege from now until eternity.

[Autrocity]

There's a reality gameshow called "The Restaurant"!

NOOOooo... We are supposed to be getting smarter the further along we go...

NOT STUPID.

Ungh... i've just lost another huge amount of faith in humanity.

[cats]

Cats have earned a new respect from me...

at least the one that my roommate has...

Now, this cat was taken from it's parents at four weeks old... so it's always been kinda slow...

but two days ago, it proved itself to me...
after chasin' this fuckin' huge spider out of my room...

actually, it was fighting with the spider, then ran out of my room with the spider in pursuit... then turned around to bat the shit out of the spider...

i ended up squishin' the spider with my shoe... but damn, if that cat hadn't found it... that would have sucked... gettin' bit by that spider would not have been in agreement with my help.

So yea... i think in some ancient cities, this means that i know owe the cat a life debt.

damn.

i hear ya bradbury.

i just have to find my hill.

[meh]

I feel your pain bradbury... that's why i don't go to my old home anymore. The last time I slept at my old house... prolly a year and a half ago... if that.

So, fuck. I leave for two fucking weeks and you people can't hold together a fucking coherent board?

Anyway, I'm back for one night. I leave again in the morning. Fuck this place. Coming home to the same boring old fucking bullshit house is driving me nuts. And I've only been here since 3 this afternoon.

Pilchuck fucking rocks. Can't wait to go back to my tiny fucking room (with roommate). Back to the crazy long nights, working with glass until 2 am, five hours of sleep and do it again. Back to "the hill." Back to the shops. Back to all the fucking amazing artists and craftspeople. Back to the four Swedish women. Away from the world that contains work, my boss being pissed, and everything else I never wanted.

Pissed because, my class ends Friday, at which point I was supposed to return to work and do the same old mind numbing bullshit as every other Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday. Fuck that. Out of the blue, they gave me a job at Pilchuck. It's a "volunteer" position. I get room and board, in exchange for work. I get a cabin to myself. I get blow time in the main hotshop with the fucking amazing gaffers on Sundays. But only through the end of August. Actually, only till the 25th.

Fuck it, I don't care.

Had to call the boss to "ask" for the time. I didn't mention the position they offered me was unpaid. They probably figured I'd just quit if they didn't give me the time. I would have, just not right away. Everything falls out right, I still will.

Fuck it, I don't care.

I think now I've found what it is I'll do.

Guess what a happy, happy day it is? Not that any of you know him or care, but ANDY'S IN JAIL!!! I am so very, very happy! I'm just super stoked!

So - Let's see. I'm also super excited because Tarina and I are gonna go blackberry picking tomorrow! I love to pick blackberries, and then we're going to make cobbler and pie and jam. That should be good, because I was very sad lately because you see I usually make very good jam (Just ask Micheal!!), but then recently I made some cherry jam that just did not turn out. I was really, really sad about that. I like to meke jam. and I like it when I make jam that sets right and that doesn't end up more like syrup than jam. Yep.

[cleaning]

The thing that sucks the most about cleaning is that you have to start with a dirty thing... which means that in essence, you are going against the universal constant that everything breaks down = entrophy.

EVERYTHING breaks down. In organics... it is considered atrophy.

(Unless I have those words mixed up.)

Hmm... i wonder if that makes my act of cleaning the ultimate form of rebellion... heh.

---

Other than that, that's all i got at the moment.

Oh and, once again:

FIRST POST GLORY!

Mwahaha...
course that bastard Jimmoi had to take my glory yesterday... damn you jimmoi... damn you.

[extreme measures]

So today i found out that a woman actually changed her name to GoVeg.com.

Seriously.

I don't know. Maybe we should get Collins to change his name to loose-slugs.com...

if we all pitched in some money for that, I wonder if he would do it.

Whaddya say James?

[Armaggedon]

You know the world is coming to an end when they actually have the third installment of "Scary Movie".

Yes... that's right... you heard me. Scary Movie 3. Now, i bet only some of us saw the first Scary Movie. (I did... and yes, I'm ashamed.) And i bet only a handful actually knew there was a Scary Movie 2. (I did... and I saw it... and I'm ashamed.)

Now there's a fuckin' Scary Movie 3!!!

I'd cry... but really... it's not worth it anymore.

(Oh and yes... more than likely... I'll end up seeing it... and being ashamed.)