So soon i'll return to the Frozen Tundra. My trip down here was relaxing and it show me that maybe i should move on with my life, much like everyone else it seems is doing. I slowly have become of of those loser guys that hang out at the high school-long after they graduate...wait a minute.
i was thinking what it will be like, if everyone did just pack up and move on, followed their dreams and attepted to accomplish their goals. since i don't really know what everyone's goals are, i'll make them up-because i can assume like a muthafuka.
To James: Yes, james, i forsee that you will finally get around to getting your GED, moving away from you parents (again), but this time for good. I see you finally getting that job at a bookstore, where you can make fun of all the people buying Ayn Rand books and constantly saying, "Anyone who writes poetry is a poet!" no one will get it, but someone will laugh and you'll scream "PERT PLUS!!!" eventually you'll get fired, and dive right back into the bottle. Soon, you'll experiment with hard drugs, and die of an overdose.
To Steven: You'll get your job as a Black Jack Dealer, but will soon realise that it was all just petty change. So you'll go on a Ford Probe breaking into spree to get enough money to ... uhm ... throw your own rave. Sorry, i seriously got nothing.
To Jeff: I forsee you getting that Job at the VA, Analyzing other people's problems, before finally analyzing your own. After becomming depressed, you begin to experiment and reliese that youre gay. You'll than finally come out of the closet, and somewhere, outhere, you can hear james' laughter echoing in the wind.
To Bradbury: Bradbury will quit is job at the School District and go on to become a ... glass blower. He'll than start his own website and begin selling his sculptures, not knowing that the majority of people that buy from him, are using them as bongs.
To Arrooon: You'll eventually have a mental colapse from working at pizza hut and not getting tipped. So you move to Puraguay, where you'll become the President and rage war against their neighbor Uraguay. Than, you'll get bored, and move to Uraguay and Become their president and rage war against Puraguay and vice versa until they military gets bored of you and overthrow you in a coup. You'll than move to Botswania and rule over the Pigmys till your death.
To Jesse: i dont know you that well, so i'll just say that one day, going into the breakroom at walgreens (was it walgreens? fuckit) you'll catch a glimps of World Raslin' Entertainment and become addicted to it. Soon, you'll quit everything and everyone that loves you will leave you, but you'll be happy, watching WWE, and wondering to yourself, "What is the Rock cooking?"
To Andy: Andy doesnt read this, so this is fair game. Andy will Continue to live with his parents, and get an allowance. He'll still cyber date and create imaginary girlfriends and search the personals for "chicas" and wear dragon shirts. He'll end up one of those mall employees you see in Victoria Secret, sniffing the panties. He'll end up one of those 30 year old men, parked out front of a Jr High School honking his horn trying to score some "chicas." Some parent will call the police and he'll end up in Jeff's office, being analyzed...Jeff will somehoe convince andy that he's gay and they'll move to oregan and get married. Somewhere in the distance, you can hear james laughing.
To Michael: Michael will finally get his diploma, join the army and volunteer to be sent to some Camel Country to "Kill some Ragheads!" He dies.
To Zacho: no comment.
To Mike: He'll end up on the street trying to sell his paintings. Everyonce in a while he'll run into somebody he use to know in school and they'll look at his paintings and say how much of a genius he is, "OOOO WOW-these are nice!!!" encouraged, he moves to france. He dies. Long after his death, someone will discover his paintings and call him a genius. Unfortunatly, these people will be someone he use to know in high school.
To Bonnie: She'll become an officer in the ARMY and will try to be the nice officer, the once that everyone likes. But eventually everyone will take advantage of her niceness (not like that james, shut the fuck up) and she'll turn into UBER Bitch. Everyone will begin to hate her, so she'll volunteer to go to some camel country. There she'll run into Michael; and they'll fall in love and get married and live happily ever after. Until michael gets eaten by a camel.
And Finally, ME: I'll be in the air force for another 2 years, than when i get out, i'll see that everyone is either dead or in some camel country, so i decide to pursue my dreams of becoming a Director. I'll never actually finish a script and go hungry. Than one day i'll get Abducted by aliens and placed in a intergallactic zoo where i am foced to mate with Hallie Berry, Britney Spears and Christina Agulara. After 20 years of this, i lead a revolt against the aliens and become king of the planet ZURLAR! After awhile, they'll get tired of me and send me back to earth where i pitch this movie idea to Warner Bros. I make this movie, make millions of dollars and be happy...until i die of lung cancer from smoking...somewhere...james will be heard laughing.
well, i'll see yall on the flip side.
FUCK YOR COUCH NIGGA!!!