October 05, 2002

AHHHH HHHHHH the further that i keep reading into this fucking blog the more i realise that i dont think im gonna sleep very well tonight....it just about pisses me off with every fucking word that this idiot spouts out onto the world wide web....case in point
"it made me realize how much ahead i am of pretty much everyone else there. it is giving me kind of a sense of confidence that i never really applied to school. for the most part, i'm more experienced both in life and in school and intelligent in the book sense and in common sense. i am better than pretty much everyone there in one way or another. i look older, feel older, act older, and am older than most of the people there. i don't care about all the social bullshit that is going on, and there is no way i can get sucked into it. before when i've gone, i looked like a young college student, so all the jerkoffs treated me accordingly. now the jerkoffs avoid me because they know i own them anyways. it is strange

in other news, a few minutes ago i super glued my hand to my shoe. it kind of brings everything into perspective...."

Hit this fucking blog with every ounce of shamefullness at your command i tell you...ARGGGHHHHH theres more

"so, the whole idea of companionship is just foreign to me. physical pleasure seems like a much more obtainable goal. i don't want to have to put up with another person's wants and need, i have enough trouble catering too my own. my emotions are more than enough for me to deal with already, so why in the world would i want to add someone elses!!!! it just does not make any sense whatsoever. why would i even consider it!!!! oh yes, the possibility of satiating my raw, physical animal need. there are things i can't take care of myself. so which shouting voice do i supress, the need for sex, or the need for mental stability. satisfy the body or the mind. it is a damned if i do damned if i don't kind of situation. either path eventually ends in insanity. the least of about 10 evils.

thus, the need for some sort of stimulus. not a tease. stripbars would be great if your 20 dollars got you a night of raw unbridled passion. it gets you about 3 minutes that leave you panting for more. i can't handle them. i always thing it would be such a great idea, but it is really not worth it, it just heightens the pain. obviously some sort of human interaction would be the best solution. yet, you still have to deal with another human. for those 3 minutes at the stripbar, that person is not human. they are something else entirely. if you had to spend a whole night with this person, they would slowly become more and more of a person, and that my friend would be a crime against everything mentally worthwhile. that is the great thing. for those 3 minutes, it was perfection. perfection that is not physically possible, but for 3 minutes it exists in your mind. thus the need for some sort of ultra life like sex robots. something without the human element to ruin the illusion. i always thought the prospect of stealing a person and having them become this perfect reality for one reason or another was the way to go, but every time i think about it, it becomes more and more infeasible in my head. i have moved on to the sexual robot slaves. they would be perfect. you could not tell that they weren't human, yet you directed their very thoughts. thus you could hold the illusion firm in your mind, and have them reciprocate it for as long as your mind can handle, since as a robot their mind was your mind. there would be no guilt over doing something taboo with another human, for you are the only human involved. these robots would allow us to live every one of our fantasies in reality"

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